Thursday, August 1, 2013


Sex is exciting, but it’s nothing new. It’s likely that for as long as humans have had sex (which as far as we know, means from the very beginning) there have been humans who have thought about, talked about, and eventually started writing about what sex means, and how we might make it more meaningful. Tantric sex and teaching about Tantric sexuality represent one of the oldest examples of a philosophy of spiritual sexuality that continues to be practiced today. What is Tantra? One translation of the word Tantra is "tools for expansion." Tantra is over 1500 years old, and like yoga it originated in India. It is a set of teachings and practices that are specifically designed to help us feel more, to increase our awareness of our own energy and the energy around us. The path that Tantra uses to these ends is the exploration of sexual energy. The goal of Tantric sex is to allow us to experience more depth and breadth in our sexuality. The goal is not necessarily orgasm, but rather enriching the whole sexual experience. Is Tantra a Religion? While traditional Tantric teachings refer to concepts such as "universal energy" and "higher power" the teachings are, in many cases, not about stubbornly sticking to one set of beliefs or rules. If you are interested in the idea that sexual expression can bring you closer to a higher power, you will find much in Tantra that speaks to you. If you are looking for a way to enhance or deepen your sexual connection with your partner, Tantra can offer many wonderful opportunities without requiring that you follow any specific set of beliefs. Who is Tantric Sex Good For? Many of the teachings are about desire and the experience of sexual energy. Unlike western approaches to improving your sex life, Tantra teachings do not focus on external evaluations of what our body looks like, what kind of car we drive, how we wear our hair. In this way Tantric sex teaching are open to anyone who is interested in exploring a new path to sexual fulfillment. Incorporating ideas of Tantra into your sex life can be something anyone does, regardless of age, gender, sexual orientation, and what your body looks, like, how it feels, how it moves, etc... What are Chakras? Tantra distinguishes many different energy systems within us. One of these that you might have already read about is chakras; energy centers in the body between the pelvis and the top of the head. In this system of thought, there is the idea that the smooth flow of energy in our bodies can get stuck somewhere in the system blocked from moving freely or depleted for a variety of reasons. Tantric practice works toward keeping energy flowing through us smoothly and naturally. What is Tantric Sex Like? Tantra is different from western ideas about sex in some other important ways. The western concept of sex is like a story with a clear beginning (sexual excitement), middle (penetration), and end (orgasm). This is the way it’s supposed to be and if you don’t follow the story, something is wrong. Sex without penetration is often viewed as being 'not real' or 'merely' foreplay. In Tantric sex the point of sex is not orgasm, the point is to feel. There is no clear cut beginning, middle, or end. Most of the exercises related to Tantric sex involve slowing things down, trying not to focus on our external body, or orgasm, or anything outside of our experience of the moment. Without a focus on orgasm, the goal becomes increased awareness leading to greater understanding of ourselves, which eventually leads to enlightenment. There is no pressure to "get over the top". This doesn't mean that orgasm doesn't exist in Tantra, it just isn't the be all and end all. The spiritual practice and the good sexual feelings are inter-related, each leading back to, and improving the other. What Tantric sex "looks like" will be different for different people. Tantra is taught by many teachers around the world, who have their own take on it, influenced by the cultures they grew up in. Certainly a key feature of Tantric sex is the importance of breathing, and slowing down sexual behavior compared to the hectic, orgasm-focused North American approach. If you're looking for more information two recommended places to start are Barbara Carrellas & Urban Tantra and TantraPM, Mark Michaels & Patricia Johnson. More about Tantric Sexuality •Common Obstacles to Exploring Tantric Sex •Increasing Intimacy Through Touch •Tantric Orgasms from About.com's Holistic Health Sexual Exploration •Before You Explore •Write Your Own Sexual History •Mapping Your Sexual Body Sexual Communication •How to Ask for Something New •How to Talk About Sexual Problems or Concerns •How to Tell Your Partner About a Fetish Related Articles •Neo-Tantra: What It Is and Isn't - Tantric Sex •Tantric Buddhism - Tantric Sex •Is It All about Sex? - Tantric Sex •Introduction to Orgasms - Tantric Sex •Full-Body Orgasm - Tantric Sex Cory Silverberg Sexuality Guide Sign up for My Newsletter Headlines Forum ....

A new generation has joined the workforce, and we can’t seem to figure out what they want. Some observers believe that Millennials display “a notable urgency to make social change” (Washington Post), and their “commitment to altruism signifies a fundamental change” (Forbes). Others call Millennials “narcissistic praise hounds” (CBS News), “cocky about their place in the world” (Time), whose goal is “wealth and fame” (USA Today). Who’s right? Neither—or both. A generation is typically defined as a birth cohort that shares defining political, social, and economic events. We can squabble about where to draw the arbitrary lines, but let’s work from one popular convention: Baby Boomers were born between 1946 and 1964, Generation X between 1965 and 1981, and Millennials between 1982 and 2000. In most studies, research survey members of each generation about the relative importance that they attach to particular values, searching for differences between generations. But the psychologist Jean Twenge realized that this approach was fundamentally flawed. Imagine that yesterday, we gave a survey to Boomers, Gen Xers, and Millennials about their work values, and found some big differences. How can we be sure that this is a generational effect? We’re drawing conclusions about each generation when they’re at different ages, with different amounts of life experience. Twenge invented a more scientifically rigorous way to study generational differences. What if we could ask every generation the same questions when they were the same age, at the same stage in life? In one study, Twenge and her colleagues got access to a survey of work values that was done with nationally representative samples of over 16,500 U.S. high school seniors in 1976 (Boomers), 1991 (Gen Xers), and 2006 (Millennials). Since the same questions were asked in different time periods, it was possible to make a fair comparison of generations. The high schoolers rated the importance of various job attributes on a 1-5 scale, where 1=not at all important and 5=very important. Twenge and her colleagues grouped the questions into five categories of work values: •Intrinsic: interesting work, learning opportunities, being challenged •Extrinsic: pay, promotions, status •Altruistic: helping others, contributing to society •Leisure: vacation time, work-life balance •Social: interacting with others, making friends When you look at the data, the three generations are remarkably similar. On average, all three generations rated intrinsic values the highest, extrinsic and altruistic values in the middle, and leisure and social rewards at the bottom. If you’re trying to predict what people fundamentally want at work, knowing their generation is largely useless.This is what psychologist Jennifer Deal has found in independent research. In Retiring the Generation Gap, she writes: “All generations have similar values; they just express them differently.” We might have unique ways of getting there, but we pretty much want the same things out of work. To be fair, there is evidence for some differences between generations. For example, members of the Millennial generation do appear to be slightly more disobedient. When psychologists run the famous Milgram experiment today, asking people to deliver painful electric shocks, Millennials are more likely to object. They seem to care more about self-expression than social approval. The biggest area of debate concerns narcissism, and Twenge has authored two insightful, witty popular books on this issue: Generation Me and The Narcissism Epidemic, with Keith Campbell. Both are based on findings that narcissism and entitlement scores are higher among Millennials than any other generation on record. But there is violent disagreement among experts here. Psychologists Kali Trzesniewski and Brent Donnellan conducted a study of over 477,000 U.S. high school seniors from 1976 and 2006. They found “little evidence of meaningful change in egotism, self-enhancement, individualism, self-esteem… time spent working or… the importance of social status over the last 30 years.” The jury is still out on whether narcissism has in fact grown from one generation to the next. Frankly, it’s hard to make any valid, reliable statements about what millions of people who happened to born in the same two decades have in common. There is one place, though, where the experts agree: age differences swamp generational differences. Narcissism is driven much more heavily by age than by generation. Psychologist Brent Roberts and his colleagues have assembled an impressive body of data suggesting that “every generation is Generation Me, as every generation of younger people are more narcissistic than their elders.” When it comes to generations, we might want to stop making mountains out of molehills. At the end of the day, we all want the same basic things out of work. Whether we’re Boomers, Gen Xers, or Millennials, we’re searching for interesting, meaningful jobs that challenge and stretch us. For jobs that allow us to support our lives and families outside work, earn respect and form significant relationships, and make a difference in the lives of others. For more on work values, see Adam's new book Give and Take: A Revolutionary Approach to Success, a New York Times and Wall Street Journal bestseller. Follow Adam here by clicking the ‘Follow’ button above and on Twitter @AdamMGrant Image credit: Salon.com